i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
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If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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