Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
