Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
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You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Im part way to drunk.
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