the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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