I hate your face
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
