Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
