oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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