Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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