My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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