the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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