woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
