He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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