go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
