I looked at my own cervix.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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