Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
