i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
