Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
