Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
