I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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