I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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