Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize