You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize