lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
