Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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