I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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