Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
