She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
