She's JV to your varsity
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
