His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
