ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
