it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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