my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
