i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize