dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
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why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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