i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
