I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
