and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
