So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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