Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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