Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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