Whod you bang
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
