I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
