oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
