fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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