I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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