my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
