we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
