my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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