apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
