Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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