Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
