She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
