I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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