I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
