drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
