Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
