If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
