Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize