Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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