She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
