My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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