did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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