I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
