Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
