Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My bed is full of blood and feathers
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
