The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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