We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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