Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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