Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
