She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
