so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
