tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
