someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
