I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
