I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
