if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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