i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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