Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
